Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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