I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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