She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
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It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
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How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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