Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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