I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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