ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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