I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize