Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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