AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
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I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
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Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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