how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
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He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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