I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize