i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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