So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
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found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
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I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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