his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
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he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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