they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize