The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
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I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
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I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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