Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
