What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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