By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
