Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
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The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
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I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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