i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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