Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
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bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
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He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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