look no pants
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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