I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize