Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize