I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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