Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize