That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize