It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He has the fingertips of a God
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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