Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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