I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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