Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize