I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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