So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
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i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
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I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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