why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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