my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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