Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
