We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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