I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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