nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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