My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
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She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
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My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize