I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize