I learned to sign I want to be on you today
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Deaf chicks here I come
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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