Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So apparently I’m into choking now
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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