Will you blow on my dice?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
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It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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