her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
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I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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