I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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