I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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