Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
