I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
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Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize