Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
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Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
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I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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