I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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